Big Brothers
by ejzah
Summary: Sam and Callen offer to help Deeks with his foreign language skills. Naturally they can't resist messing with him a little. Rated T for some minor adult language. Pure silliness.


A/N: Based off of a line from my previous story, 'Checking In' where Deeks mentions trying to speak Korean with the help of Sam and Callen.

* * *

"No, start over. It's more of an 'eul' sound." Deeks makes a frustrated noise and repeats the sentence Sam has been trying to teach him for the last five minutes. Sam stops him halfway through with a raised hand and a shake of his head.

"Oh come on, I did the exact same thing as you!" Deeks protests with a tinge of a whine in his voice. He's really starting to regret taking Sam up on his offer of free Korean lessons. Callen snorts from his desk chair, feet resting on the top of his desk. He hasn't provided much, if any, useful input, but keeps insisting that his presence is necessary.

"No, you didn't. It's 'eul', not 'ill', Sam explains patiently.

"Yeah, because that sounds totally different," Deeks mutters sarcastically. They're down in the bullpen, basically killing time while Eric updates all the office computers and tablets. Every so often Eric shoots him a sympathetic look.

This is his third 'lesson' and so far he's learned how to say 'bye' and 'nosebleed' which he's sure will be highly useful in the future. His pronunciation, if possible, seems to be getting worse the more he tries to mimic Sam's examples. Deeks is just glad that Hetty and Granger aren't around to witness him being systematically humiliated.

"Ok, how about we try something else?" Sam suggests in a would-be calm voice that suggests Deeks isn't the only one losing patience.

"Maybe you should teach him how to say 'I don't speak Korean', Callen says, rooting around his desk for spare pieces of candy.

"Hey, I'm the one who's completely fluent in Korean, remember?" Sam reminds him "I'm completely confident Deeks is capable of learning enough to maintain a conversation."

"Eh, I'm not sure linguists would use the term fluent. Remember that time you accidentally ordered an entire cow instead of two steaks?" Callen chuckles at the memory and Sam glares ineffectually at him.

"That was not my fault," he insists. "Now quit distracting him or he's never going to learn anything. Deeks, say 'eoje naneun horsrleul sassda," Sam instructs him slowly, emphasizing each sound. It sounds remarkably like all the other phrases and sentences they've worked on before this.

"What's it mean?" Deeks asks.

"Yesterday I bought a horse."

"Why would I ever need to say that I bought a horse in our line of work?" Deeks asks with a frown, certain that Sam's messing with him.

"Just say the damn sentence!" Sam says impatiently.

"Oje nanen horselil sasso," Deeks repeats as best he can, his tongue feeling like a foreign object in his mouth, uncoordinated and overly large. After a moment of silence both Callen and Eric snicker and Sam wearily rubs a hand across his face.

"Ok, remember how we talked about double consonants? Well, you don't want to emphasize the 's' too much when you're using 'buy' because it means something entirely different," Sam explains, unable to keep his face completely smirk free.

"Yeah, you probably don't want to tell an unsuspecting stranger you pooped yesterday," Callen explains bluntly.

"Or that you ejaculated," Eric offers with a haunted expression.

"I thought you couldn't speak Korean," Sam says, looking mildly horrified.

"Oh, I can't. But I do know the difference between 'buy, poop, and…" trailing off Eric makes a sweeping gesture with his hand.

"Why…?' Deeks starts to ask, overcome by morbid curiosity.

"Don't ask," Eric says quickly. "Suffice it to say, I am no longer welcome at Sun Nong Dan in Korea-town anymore." With a dignified set to his shoulders, Eric stiffly turns back to the computer he's currently working on. .

"Anyway," Sam says with the air of a long-suffering elementary teacher. "Let's get back on track."

* * *

An hour later, Deeks is feeling vaguely proud, but mostly relieved and exhausted. He's learned to repeat five sentences to Sam's satisfaction, although he has no clue what any of them mean. At this point he's just glad to be done with the lesson and is trying to come up with an acceptable excuse to get out of any more.

Good job. I think you got it," Sam praises him, smiling widely.

"Awesome," Deeks says with a sigh and slumps in his seat, grabbing a handful of hair on either side of his head. His head is killing him.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see you try them out," Callen says and if Deeks weren't so tired he might find his tone suspicious. Despite Sam's insistence that he was the expert, Callen had interjected in Korean, with various suggestions all while building a massive paperclip chain. After a while he'd run out of his own and ended up raiding Kensi's disaster of a desk for a box of neon paperclips.

"Good to see you're not taking advantage of the lack of supervision," Granger says dryly, walking into the bullpen. Eric, the only one actually doing any work, starts visibly.

"No new cases and until the updates are finished, no computers to do paperwork on," Callen explains easily, now deconstructing his paperclip chain.

"Plus, we were working on Deeks' foreign language skills," Sam offers with another wide smile.

"Really," Granger responds dubiously, eyeing Deeks' disheveled appearance.

"Oh yeah, I think he's really starting to get the hang of it," Callen says, obviously enjoying the opportunity to mess with Deeks. "You should show him, Deeks."

"I don't think that's a–" Deeks starts, hoping that Hetty will miraculously appear with a case and save him from imminent embarrassment.

"Hey, I didn't just spend two hours teaching you Korean for nothing," Sam interrupts impatiently. Deeks turns to Granger with a pleading expression, but he merely raises an eyebrow and waits.

"I'm all ears, Detective."

"Fine. I can do this. I can speak Korean. I totally can. No problem. Ok, ahem," he rambles on for as long as he can and then clears his throat dramatically. With false bravado, he announces, "_Jal saenggyeosseoyo. Uri deiteu halkkayo?_" There's a beat of silence and then Callen and Sam burst out laughing. To his credit, Eric seems oblivious to whatever mistake Deeks made and merely looks sympathetic.

"Oh, Deeks you have no idea how perfect that was," Sam says, his words broken up by his gasping laughter.

"What did I say wrong?" Deeks asks, resigned.

"Nothing. Sam's right, you said it perfectly," Granger replies, then adds with a completely deadpan expression. "However, as flattered as I am, I'll pass on the date."

"Ah, Granger…" Deeks chuckles nervously and ruffles his bangs. Granger has never been super fond of him, but he's sure this is going to bump him one step lower in the assistant director's eyes.

"I'm going to stop you, Deeks, before you make this anymore awkward than it already is. And a word of advice, get yourself a Korean dictionary and stop taking tips from these two," Granger says and though he sounds thoroughly uninterested, Deeks could swear his lips twitch once or twice.

"That sounds like a great idea," Deeks mutters.

"Uh-huh. And maybe the three of you could do something that resembles work or else it's going to be only Jones and Beale on the team."

"Of course, Assistant Director," Callen says. As Granger walks out of the bullpen, Eric turns to Callen and Sam with a frown.

"Did you guys really get Deeks to ask Granger out on a date?" he asks, his tone horrified. Deeks sinks back down in his chair with a groan and cradles his head in his hands.

"Oh yes we did," Sam says proudly.

"I hate you guys so much right now," Deeks mumbles from between his fingers.

"You don't sound very grateful for someone just learned five pick-up lines in Korean," Callen says reprovingly. Deeks groans again and Sam reaches over to squeeze his shoulder.

"Ah, cheer up. I'm sure Granger will forget. Eventually. Give it five years."

* * *

A/N: So, I know just as much Korean as Deeks. I did my best to find accurate translations, but I apologize if it's not quite right.

Also, Deeks' mistake with the double consonants is borrowed from this Youtube video from the channel, Jolly: K-FsdeVSigI

'Jal saenggyeosseoyo. Uri deiteu halkkayo?'basically means, 'You are handsome. Shall we go on a date together?' in English.


End file.
